Successful Business Women – Go Speak Dating!–Part 8 – How Much Did You have to Put Out?

Jan 7, 2013 by

Successful Business Women – Go Speak Dating!–Part 8 – How Much Did You have to Put Out?
Whether you are speaking live or virtually – you are going to have to “put out” your message and you are going to have to radiate energy and power.  The “Vibe” that you emanate is what will attract audiences, new speaking opportunities, and clients to work with you.   Successful business women know that if they are on the stage or speaking over the internet or phone they need to send out the proper signals in order to make their point, get their message across, and create opportunities for business to be transacted.
Confidence in yourself, your subject matter and your ability to manage any situation is key to successful “speak dating”.  All too often people fail in business not because they aren’t passionate but because they aren’t really PRESENT to their audiences needs and to their own capability to be of service.   One of the biggest problems that I see in my clients is that they are so caught up in their own issues of fear and feelings of unworthiness to be “the messenger” that they sabotage themselves and their success. 
Sometimes they sabotage themselves by lowering their own standards and speaking in environments or for hosts or audiences that aren’t at all a fit for them.  What’s the point of speaking and making an offer to have people work with you if the people in the audience aren’t at all ready or even interested in you or your work?  Of course you do want to get in some practice when you are in the beginning stages of your speaking career and you may say a few yeses to opportunities that are not quite a fit in order to gain experience but you don’t want to hang out for very long in places that just aren’t right for you and your work.
Other times they sabotage themselves by being “over the top” – these are the speakers who have SO MUCH TO SAY that it’s like they are vomiting on the audience.  There is a sense of stress and lack that is being emitted from these speakers – like if they don’t cram in every possible thing they can think of to say then they are doomed.  These are the speakers who feel like they have to prove themselves in some way to the audience or that their message will miraculously make everyone in the audience immediately better.  The truth is that your audience needs you to be mindful, present, aware, and in tune with what they can digest.  When you vomit on them they get too much information – they get overly full and there is no room left over for them to want anything more from you.  This is death to the speak to sell speaker.  Why would the audience buy anything from you when you just gave them all you had and more?  It’s like what your mom may have taught you about dating – why buy the cow when you just got a huge glass of milk for free?
Successful business women who are “speak dating” put out just enough to entice the audience and know how to create a hunger and desire for more.    If you have years of experience to share you cannot deliver it in an hour long talk – so be sure to craft your talk carefully – giving just enough to whet the appetite and showing your audience where they can get more.  A well crafted talk will not only grow your business by enticing people to engage your services it will also lead to more opportunities to speak.   Your talk may be the very first ‘taste’ that people have of you so you want it to be a work of excellence – maybe even a work of art!  I love helping people to create their “Be Heard By Millions Expert Speech™”.  Let me know if I can serve you with that!




  1. I love that you call this speak dating.  I agree, speaking in front of your ideal client is a lot like dating.  And with attracting anything, it's your energy or resonance that is sending the signal.  I believe the resonances of success, empowerment, passion and service are necessary when making an offer on stage.  Feelings of fear and unworthiness are turn offs for sure.  Yet it does take practice to build confidence in front of a crowd.  As long as the passion behind their message is strong, it can help to give courage and confidence to the begining speaker. 

  2. Amethyst: I think it's interesting that you bring up speaking in front of the wrong audience as "self-sabotage". How true! I will be sure to put this in my cap and smoke it! And hopefully sidestep the temptation next time I'm invited to speak at a venue that really isn't right for me. Bless you!

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