Successful Business Women – Go Speak Dating!–Part 9 – Was it as good for You?

Jan 14, 2013 by

Successful Business Women – Go Speak Dating!–Part 9 – Was it as good for You?
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The BEST “Speak Dating” experiences result in you being able to have your cake and eat it too!  Successful business women known and embody the principal that the experience of speaking needs to feed and nourish the speaker as well as the audience.   In your business as a messenger YOU are the “Golden Goose” so if you aren’t taken care of (and usually that means if you aren’t taking care of YOURSELF) you are going to get “Cooked”!  

I’m going to share with you in this post some of the pitfalls and danger zones that you want to avoid when it comes to getting out there speaking – whether live or virtually – so that you don’t end up burnt out and empty of enthusiasm in your heart and money in your bank account.

  1. You must look out for #1 – that means that you need to be really mindful of who you associate with, what venues you speak at, how you are choosing to be perceived in the public eye and most importantly whether or not you are truly on your purpose, doing meaningful and rewarding work, that PAYS YOU WELL.  Speaking is a tool that you can use to generate revenue in your business, to create credibility, to expand your reach and to fulfill your purpose as a messenger.  Don’t let the desire to get the message out overwhelm your common sense – if you aren’t generating revenue and creating results in your business in the form of clients who are also getting results from working with you then you need to take a pause and re-evaluate exactly what’s going on so that you can make the necessary changes (usually INTERNAL) to value yourself and your message more and to become more discriminating about where you are spending your time and energy.
  2. You must seek out hosts and venues where you can make a powerful and impactful contribution and where you and your work are valued, appreciated and treated with respect.   It’s important to avoid “turning yourself into a pretzel” to please everyone or to be “liked”.  You must honor your work and hold your message as sacred rather than trying to fit into someone else’s mold of who you should be and what you should say.  Sure there is a time and place for flexibility and adaptability just be sure you don’t adapt so much that you lose your own ground and ability to confidently deliver the promise that your talk is meant to deliver.
  3. Online you need to be even more mindful because you are infinitely more visible and often your talk will be available and accessible for an extended period after you show up to speak.  It’s not the same online as it is in a live event speaking situation – if you mess up in a live situation you can pretty safely assume that you may never see many of those people again – online what you put out there is potentially going to be out there forever.   Remember that you are also always evolving so don’t be embarrassed or ashamed of earlier mistakes – just be prepared to acknowledge that you were in a learning process and if you are contacted by someone in the future who heard you in the past and is interested in what you used to offer it’s perfectly ok to say you have evolved and refer them to someone else.
  4. Being prepared, practiced and proactive will enamor you to event hosts – you are responsible for your own reputation in the marketplace.  Show up as someone who is cooperative, responsive, excited, enthusiastic, in service, and focused on the “Triple Bottom Line” where the host, the audience and you all win from the experience.  Successful business women are always looking to deliver value and while it’s important to have a set of standards about what works for you it’s also important to be cooperative and collaborative with your hosts so everybody can profit and benefit from the experience.
  5. Know when to say no – One thing that may happen to you if you become a powerful and sought after speaker (which I dearly hope you do!) is that you may end up with more opportunities than you can handle comfortably.  You have to know what your limits and boundaries are on your own time and energy and you have to set those boundaries and abide by them yourself – no one else is going to do it for you.  When you experience a rush of interest in you and your work as you first land “on the scene” you of course want to take advantage of as many opportunities as possible to get exposure – it is after all the way you are going to get your message heard and how you will generate clients and revenue as a messenger.   However you must be prepared to start saying no when it becomes clear that you or your back office team is going to be overwhelmed or exhausted with the process of delivering all those talks.  I’m particularly fond of virtual speaking because it’s so darn energy efficient – I can speak to hundreds of thousands of people around the world, build my list, enroll clients and generate revenue all from the comfort of my own couch – I call it “Cashing in from Your Couch” (and yes I’ve built a program to teach how to do exactly that called “Prosper In Your PJ’s – Virtual Speaking Business Builders Bootcamp™”) and I also enjoy getting out periodically to live events to MC or to speak to sell when the event and the host are a good fit for me to work with.  I’m very particular now after having spoken on close to 400 virtual stages in under 3 years to only say yes when I really see a powerful collaboration happening and even with all my experience I have occasionally been “burned” and I take full responsibility for not thoroughly vetting the opportunity before saying yes!  After YES, NO is probably the most powerful word you have at your disposal to protect you and your business from becoming energetically and/or financially drained and exhausted.


Comments are ALWAYS welcome – have you been enjoying this series?  I have one more post for you and then I’ll be moving on to another subject.  I deeply enjoy feedback and will respond if you have questions so please do comment and thank you for reading/subscribing to this blog!


  1. Love the "triple bottom line"…gotta always keep that in mind. And it's so good to learn from your experience, Amethyst. You've paved the way doing so many speaking gigs! Thank you!

  2. Love #2 – especially the part about making a contribution. I've learned that if you can't answer the question, "Will my message serve THIS audience" with a resounding yes, then it's irresponsible to accept that invitation. Because that's an hour that could change their lives if they connect with the right person.


  3. You are a role model for what you've written about in this post.  I'm using your speaker's packet literally as a role model for my own packet.  You've gotten this speaking thing down to a science, Amethyst!  I hope I get to the point where I have to learn how to say no.

  4. J. Winslow

    Nice post! I especially like the part about only speaking where you are loved, appreciated and valued… As it should be, and not only where you choose to speak, but where you put your energy in general.


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